I'm mad all the time.

I'm pissed off at _everything_ today. I totally screwed my math exam, I'm not going to pass, I noticed that I don't have almost any money at all, I'm fat and a million other things.

Let's start with the exam, shall we? I got the test paper in my hands, I read out the questions and I didn't understand any of them, Not even the so called "easy" ones. I was nearly crying when I just gave up after staring at the paper for and hour and a half. I tried to do something to the ones that seemed to be the easiest, but none of them are calculated correctly nor finished. So yey! Not going to paas that exam! ^^ F**king great. A real good start for the whole exam week! o/

My money problem: I haven't been checking my account for a while and today I needed cash, so I went to get some and noticed just how much money I have. What really fucks is that I'm a control freak, so for me if I don't have more than 100€ in my account it actually starts to bother me really bad. So now I have to save money like hell, which I'm guessing isn't going to be too much fun.

I'm _FAT_. I really, really am. I'm happy about weight when it's closer to 50kg and now... I'm WAY, WAY too far from that goal. So I don't know what the hell am I supposed to do. Okay so I walk 3-5 km everyday and I've started avoiding candies and such. I should probably do some situps and eat less. *sigh* It's a bit hard to eat in a more healthy manner when my parents make dinner and I'm not allowed to complain about it or make myself somethig else. I admit that it would be a complete waste for me to do myself something else, when they make enough food for me. As much as I'd like to have a hobby which would help me maintain my weight it's impossible here where I live. We don't have any activities here that intrest me at all. I like dancing but for that I'd need to go to Oulu. And really after using about 9-11 hours of my day to school I don't feel like going there. So what to do? I'll stop eating? I could do that, but the problem is that I've had an eatingdisorder in the past, so it might resurface, WHICH I don't need in my life right now...

So yeah.... I'm angry all day long. The part that sucks the most is that when my friends or friend tries to tell me what to do and if it's something that I'm already aware of, I get extremely annoyed. I'm not stupid and I know what you're supposed to do, but the problem is that I'm already doing it so it isn't of any use to tell me what to do. I feel like a moster for getting pissed off at my friend for trying to help me. I feel like my friend has change, but I don't want to really think about it in that way. I want to think that it's only because of my stress that she seems to have changed. I believe that it's only because of that and the fact that I haven't seen her in a while.

(wow this was a long/angry blog...)

I should go and read for my tomorrows test and go and lose weight!!!

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!

Winds, volcanos and rocks.

Okay, tomorrow finally my work is put to a test. We'll just how well my math exam will go. I don't have high hopes for it. Georaphty I hope I'll pass. It shouldn't be that difficult. I like reading about volcanos and earthquicks even though they make devestating damage in real life.

ANYWAY!

I found my perfect glasses! ♥ Thanks to Nina, Misa and Ida. They helped me pick the perfect ones, and I'm quite happy with what we came up with. They are a bit more massive, than the ones I have now so thay fit my style way better. I'm going to go order the right lenses for them on saturday with my mom. I hope I'll get them soon. They are going to look so cool! (or at least that's what I think) It'll take a while for me to be able to go and get them with the right lenses, but that's okay.

I'm gonna go and take a shower soon. I need one, not because I look like I need one, but just taking a shower calms me down, so I won't stress about the tests that much before I go to bed.

(P.S a picture from school!!! I took it yesterday but forgot about it)

Could use a break.

Geometry in Upeer Secondary schoo is no walk in the park, specially in my school... I almost finished my third practise exam today. I gave up on three questions. I have no confidence at all that I'll make it in the test. I'm sure I'm going to fail, but if I do it can't be helped. Then I'll just have to retake the test and hope for the best.

Today was a pretty good day even though I had quite a long day. : 3 I was extremely tired and because of that I was hyperactive for the most of the day. When we were driving home with my dad we stopped and he went to the store and I stayed in the car. I got so bored while waiting that I even took pictures with my phone (which I never do xD). Obviously the quality fucks.. ^^''

(W00T meh phone is so awesome!! \o/ _NOT_!)

For some unknown reason I'm listening to "Grenade" by Bruno Mars, "Sweet dream (are made of this)" by Eurythmics, "I was made for loving you" by KISS and "Riverside" by Agnes Obel. Good songs all of them it's just that I usually don't listen to music like that. Right now they are the best songs for my mood. ♥

Tomorrow I'll still be reading math and also reading geography. : < I'm already sick and tired of studying, but I have got to push myself into reading. I didn't even have time to go on a walk today :'( tomorrow I'm going to go for a walk no matter how little time I have after I'm home. >8 [

=______=

Studying for my math test has been a living hell. I hate the feeling when I look at the question and I start doupting that if it's even written in Finnish... I was able to somewhat finish the second practise exam today, but I eventually even burst into tears when I got so frustrated over it. Math, specially geometry is not my thing...

I'm going to go and look for new glasses for myself the day after tomorrow. I'm hoping to find glasses that are perfect for me, 'cause my glasses that I have now are quite terrible and don't fit me at all. (Yeah I do wear glasses sometimes...)

Today I woke up at 05.07AM and I have no idea why. I just happened to wake up and I didn't get any sleep anymore. I got up and I was ready so early that I had time to take pictures. Obviously because I took the pictures at about 06.27AM they are not vgood quality nor good, but I put them up anyway.... XD
(06.27AM I look so bright!!)

(Yeah that's how my room looks like in the mornings... ^^' My normal outfit for school)

Tomorrow I'm going to continue on studying for my math test and maybe read some georaphy too.

OH OH OH!!! I finished watching Iljimae on sunday! ♥ It was so good!!! ♥ The action was so good and Lee Jun Ki was so handsome in his role (though he's always handsome)! I was going to watch "The return of Iljimae" but after watching the first episode I was frankly to day, dissapointed in it so much so that I decided not to watch it at all. Since I'm all in love with Lee Jun Ki and his actind skills I started to watch the series "Hero" (obviously a Korean drama) in which he plays one of the main roles.

Oh shit... I gotta go now!!! Off to bed! --->

-

I had a great weekend, if I don't count this day. My friday went great with my friend Ida; we listened to old school rock and sang all night long. I dyed her hair and then I dyed my own. Her hair is now red and mine is neon orange. : 3


Saturday morning/afternoon was at least as much fun as friday was. We sang some more and took _a lot_ of pictures. ♥

When Ida left I was feeling a bit down so the rest of the day didn't go so well... : <

Today I've tried to study for my math test, but can't seem to understand anything no matter how hard I try to. I'm quite sure I'll fail this course. ^^' I found seven books that I absolutely _have_to_ read! None of the books are "stories" but actual knowlege. They tell about different kind of thins like: haunting and about dreaming when you're asleep. I think I'll start with the book that tells about haunting. : 3 I'll start reading them today if I'll have the time.

But now I think I'll go take a nap. : D

!?!?!?

Oh my god I have GOT to lose weight!!! I have been laying around the house for the past 2 weeks without being able to go on a walk to lose the weight that I've gained durning the day, so now I weight too much! WAY too much for my standarts. Ugh I hate it ;____; I hate losing weight, I don't like to do it. I hate it when I need to go and check my weight every single day and go on a walk no matter how tired I am, so that I wouldn't weight this much anymore...

Other that noticing that fact that I weight way too much, my day was surpringly okay. I tried to go and find the haircolor and searched 3 stores, but with no luck. (I skipped school lunch for that and I had to go and by myself a salad so that I wouldn't be hungry all day) Luckily my friend found the color in another store and she'll give it to me tomorrow, so I can color my hair saturday. : 3

When I got home I took a nice long nap and then cleaned up the house. Now I'm about to start finishing my essay (I did half of it yesterday) and then I might try and start practising for my math test.

Next hair color?

I've watched 8 episodes of the series Iljimae and I'm loving it! I think the actors are great and fit very well in their roles. The lead actors is very handsome too and I LOVE his hair!
Anyway! I'm going to start practising for my math test tomorrow. Today I'll finish my filosofy essay. Or at leats I'm going to try and finish it. I'm missing the one last part of it, but I think I'll be able to do it quickly.
I'm going to need to dye my hair soon again. I'm starting to see way too much roots and the blue color won't stay on my roots at all. I'm thinking about new colors, but I'mnot quite sure what I'm going to use yet. Orange is kind of in my mind, but I'm not sure. I don't mean like the normal "orange" hair, but bright and shining orange! Neon orange to be precise.
Got some new clothes so I need to try them on now! o/

...ooohhh?

So, I guess I wasn't so okay after all yesterday. I kind off don't remember what happened in the time between 10.46PM-11.26PM. As much as I can tell I had somekind of a breakdown.

Oh well! ^^

Today was good, my friends cheered me up, 'cause I was feeling pissed off at myself for having the bearkdown and being stupid. It was nice to see my friends after a long time ♥ We also agreed to go visit a boy (who is in our "group") in the hospital. He got really badly injured durning the vacation and he can't come to school probably for the rest of the term, so we are going to go visit him.
Now I'm going to play Kingdom Hearts for a while and them I think I'll watch a Korean drama called "Iljimae". I don't really know what the drama is about yet (haven't started watcing it yet), but it seems cool, so I'm going to start watching it today. : 3

... ^^

BREAK UP!

Which means I'm back to being single again.

...and if I'm completely honest, I feel good. ; )

Sunday

Sunday is always a bad day for me. But today something good happened; my friend, who has been missing for almost 8 months contacted me and told me that he's okay. I'm so relieved! I've been trying to contact him, but with no luck for the past 3,5 months. It feels good to know he's okay and he promised to contact me later today again.

The bad thig about this day is that I need to yet again keep writing my essey and also I need to study some words for my English t tomorrow. (I'm going to go to school tomorrow and let's hope I won't need to go a hospital again)I really need to get the essey done this week. Next week the "test week" starts again, which means a lot of stress. I'll have my math test and my georaphy test next week. I'm already nervous about them, but I hope I'll pass them, even though I wouldn't get good grades. I've missed so many classes that it's a miracle if I won't fail any otf the subjects I have. Luckily test week means that my school days will be short. The subjects that I'm the most terrified about are math, georaphy and biology. Filosofy scares me too, but I think I'll be able to manage somehow. *deep breath* I'm really starting to freak out...

My birthday is soon and I have no idea what I want as a present. I know I want a video camera, but I also know I won't get it for my birthday. I need to think of something else. The problem is that I don't really need anything. I mean there are a lot of little things and really big things that I want, but I don't want a CD for my birthday and I know my parents won't take me to Korea or Japan for my birthday, so... What the hell am I going to ask from them? (I already have all the DVD boxes that I want to have, so asking for those is not a good idea)

Any suggestions? ^^'

..Damn

I went to school today. I went to my first class and about 20 minutes after I passed out and couldn't breathe. Great, huh? WEll, the principal took me to a hospital and I had to stay there for quite a long time. They had me take oxygen which helped me breathe and so on. ...aaaaand then the doctor told me that I need to stay home for the rest of the day and also the next day.

I've stayed home for two weeks!!!! I'm bored! And sick!! And annoyed... And watching Grey's anatomy AGAIN! *sigh*I probably should try to sleep a little now...

*sigh*

Ugh...I've ben half dead for the past few days. I stayed home from school for 3 days and I'm bored to death. Tomorrow I'm going to force myself to go to school no matter how sick I feel in the morning. I've missed way too many classes and I'm starting to freak out, 'cause I'm not sure if I'll be able to pass all of my courses.

I've tried to do my essey, but with little success. I've only done 2/5 of it. I'm not sure if I'll have enough energy to start the next part of it today or not. I need to start preparing myself for school. It's been almost two weeks since I was at school, so mental preparation is needed.

I've been watcing Grey's anatomy seasons 3&4, Idols Army season 3(idols in that season: 2PM) and the Korean version of the series "Boys over(before) flowers". I'm seriously bored to death now. I was going to play Kingdom Hearts, but forgot about it and I don't have the time to play it today, so... Let's hope I'll remember to try playing it on Friday after school.

Are you F@?#ING kidding me!?

I'm getting sick, AGAIN! I've been choughing so much that I didn't sleep even for an hour last night. I think I also have fever, but I haven't measured my temperature yet. : < I feel so tired and ill. I'm a bit afraid that I can't go to school tomorrow, which would be a really, really bad thing. If I feel this sick I probably shouldn't go, but if I feel better in the evening and get some sleep tonight I'll go. I've lost my voice almost completely and I can't talk almost at all. I've been trying to make myself immune by eating vitamins and stuff, but no. Nothing seems to work. I get sick all the time. When this cold/fever is gone I'll start being outside more, maybe that would help a bit.

Anyway, I started my morning by doing school work. Today I'll finally try to do them, even though the crisis in Japan is still bothering me. I aldready wrote my English essey and studied a little for my math test. I have to keep writing the filosofy essey. I've only done 1/5 of it. I still have more than 2 weeks to get it done, but I'm sure that if I won't start doing it now, I won't be able to get it doen in time.

----> back to school work!

Wake up to another sad day

I'm sure I'm not the only one who whises that the tsunami in Japan would have never happened. Unfortunately I'm the type of person to take everything personally and feel sympathy for people too easily. Last night's lack of sleep yet again proves that I worry a lot about the victims of the tsunami waves. I just can't brings myself to gather my thoughs and do school work that I had planned to do.

There are lists about jrock/jpop/jidols who have been reported safe, so if you're worried about them or have information about them, you should go and check out those lists.

Here are the links:
http://www.jpopasia.com/news/your-idols-their-status-a-list-of-japanese-celebrities-and-their-status::5421.html
Asian celebrities (idols/actors/jpop/etc)


http://www.jpopasia.com/news/your-idols-their-status-a-list-of-japanese-celebrities-and-their-status::5421.html
Jrockers who have been reported safe

R.I.P

Oh my God... Great way to start my morning; going to watch the TV and then hear about the tsunami in Japan. At first I didn't really even understantd what had happened, but now that I'm back home and sitting at my computer reading news about the victims and the numbers of people who didn't survive, I'm totally crying. Aa far as I know none of my favorit band memebers or other celebreties have been killed by the tsunami, though some are in hospital. I feel terrible... I'm praying that there won't be anymore victims and that no one else would get hurt, though that's pretty unlikely...

REST IN PEACE ALL THE VICTIMS!!! HOPE YOU'RE IN A BETTER PLACE NOW!

: 3

Finally I'm back home!! I'm just going around the house, glad to be back here. Honestly I don't feel like wrinting now, so it'll have to wait until later. Here's a couple pictures for you though!


This one is from Helsinki.


This one I took right after I came home.

Last day here

So this is the last day in Helsinki. : ( We leave at 10pm and are back home at about 9-10am. I kinda want to go home, 'cause that means that I can hangout with Elina, but it's kind off sad to leave. I'll miss the shopping part and my sister.

When I'm home, I'll start playing Kingdom Hearts 1&2 again, try on the contacts, probably take pictures, hangout with Elina, watch Gokusen 2&3 and watch Cartoon KAT-TUN. ^^ So yeah, I have quite a lot plans for the rest of the vacation. Let's hope I'll be able to get everything done.

I'm not going to go shopping today. I just want to stay at my sisters place and take it easy. I've already shopped enough and I feel like I'm completely broke. So shopping will have to wait until next time I come here. : ) Sure I can go shopping in Oulu too, but they don't have that many stores I could find the stuff that I want. Luckily my mom told me that some clothes that we ordered from H&M have arrived and that we'll pick them up tomorrow. Usually i don't use/buy clothes from H&M (just for some reasons many people are aware off and also the quality of the clothes is actually pretty poor; the clothes break easily). This time I just had to buy clothes from there, because if I ignore the quality of the clothes, they are cheap and the delivery from the store to my place is quick.

So yeah, anyway, I'll write later if I have the time. o/

Could have gone better?

Well we wen't shopping... And I used quite a lot of money, about 90€. (Dunno how much that's in dollars)I got myself a jacket for spring, sweater, long-sleeved-shirt and contactlenses. Unfortunately I can't really take pictures of the stuff that I bought, 'cause I don't have my camera with me. I'll show you the goods when I get home. ; )

I love the circle lense s and can't wait to try them on. : 3 But for that I'll also needs to wait until I get home. But we're watching a movie now with the whole family, so I'll update later, if something new comes up. ; )

Yeeeeey~ ....not?

Yesterday we went to see the play WICKED. I dunno... I guess it was okay, but I almost fell asleep like 10 times while watching it. I can't really say that it was so boring, I wanted to sleep. I was just really tired 'cause I didn't sleep so well the previous night.

Anyway, somewhat it pisses me off that there is this dude who keeps telling me that I'm an important friend to him, but he never talks to me. Or okay, saying never is too much. He does talk to me, whenever HE has soemthing he want's to say. He doesn't really giva a damn when I'm trying to talk to him, he doesn't even answer sometimes. Mostly it annoys me that he consults me about his girl-problems. (oh and he keeps questioning me when I'm gonan break up with my boyfriend. When I asked him "why do you care? and what's up with you for asking it all the time? who knows if we'll ever break up." He said he was going to hold a party if I would, but when I asked him why would he do that, he just said he was kidding... ODD?) I'm not really sure about what the hell is he thinking. Did I forget to mention that he says that he doesn't really have that many friends, other than me and he still doesn't think it's neccesary to talk to me? ^^ This fucks?

Anyway, today we're going shopping. I'm quite excited about that. I want to buy new jeans for myself and some other nice things that I find, so I'm looking forward to it, though I usually hate shopping.

Gotta go eat breakfest!

Here we are!

Finally in Helsinki! My sister is still as work, but I'm hanging out with her boyfriend. We both sitting in the living room, both on our own laptops. :''DD My prents both wen't to bed, they didn't seem to sleep too well in the train. Our younger dog is running all over the place and I'm afraid, he'll break something soon. He just doesn't really have anything to do and he must feel a bit excited to be in a whole new place.

(Random note, I feel sorry for Justin Bieber. I mean come on. He's so small and still trying to be all grown up in his videos... Poor kid.)

Anyway! o/ We're going to the see the play/musical WICKED today. I'm not too excited about it. Hopefully tomorrow we'll go shopping, so I can by some nice things for myself and for Elina.

The ride here wasn't too comfortable. The train kept shaking and made loud sounds all the time. The "room" we were in had three beds. They were all against the same wall, so they were placed so that one bed was under another bed. You know what I mean, don't you? So obviously I had to sleep on the bed that was the closest to the roof. There was a two meter drop down from the bed, so I was a little scared that I would fall down durning the night, 'cause I tend to roll in my bed. Luckily I didn't! I had to use a ladder to climb down from the bed each time I needed to go to the bathroom or something. It kinda sucked. I woke up many times durning the night, and now I'm a bit tired.

But yeah, write more later if something exciting happens.: D

: 3

I was supposed to save money for the trip to helsinki, but I couldn't resist the temptation and I had to buy Black Lagoon anime season 1&2 and also Kingdom Hearts I to PS2. : 3 I also bought a new color for my hair (sitting here writing and waiting for it to be ready to be washed off). This time I'm trying DIRECTIONS color calles Lagoon Blue (the picture above, is about the color it should be.

Today sadly one of my videos on my youtube channel got removed, because of the copyrights. Honestly I'm quite bothered by it, 'cause I know that violating copyrights could get my account removed. It sucks, 'cause you can't almost use any music on your vids, without someone complaining about them. But let's hope it won't get removed. ^^'

(still 20 minutes to go, before I can wash this off..)

Tomorrow finally I'll leave to Helsinki! Can't wait! One thing that I'm a bit worried about is that I was feeling really sick today too, and even passed out in the kitchen not too long ago. I was able to go to school and see Elina, but I must admit that it did take me quite a lot of effort to keep myself up. : (

Well, maybe things'll work out somehow!

Sick & tired

I've been feeling sick again! So I stayed home and didn't go to school. I'm tired even though I slept for about 12 hours today, might have slept a bit too much : (

Only a copule more days before I leave to Helsinki! I'm very excited. I'm gonna go to school tomorrow, so that I'll be able to see my dear friend Elina after school. She is my very best friend, and I want to see her before my trip. And we need to make plans for the vacation too. ; )I can't wait to see my sister and her boyfriend, since it's been such a long time since I last saw them.

I'm also excited to go to Helsinkin, because there are quite many shops there, that I can visit so rarely. Now I go and spend my money on clothes and accesories, manga & anime.