Hmm

I was happy to notice that this monday wasn't as bad as it usually is. I managed to get okay numbers from my last test week. I didn't fail a single class, which I'm so happy about! Although that doesn't mean that I can relax now. I have to keep working hard so I won't fail any classes this period too.

Yesterday I heard about somethings of which I wasn't happy about at all, but I also realized that I might have the best friends anyone can have. The two people who are the most important to me are friends I can't affort to lose. No matter how stupid it might sound, but I was so happy that I cried yesterday. I've had some bad moments and suicidal thoughts (and attempted suicide a couple times in the past...) but even though now I'm having harder times than I had back then, when I was already giving up, I've managed to live thru it mostly because of these two friends of mine. They mean so much to me and I mean a lot to them too. They are like light at the end of the tunnel or the missing piece of me, that I've never found before.

I'd probably be dead, if I wouldn't have met these two girls. I'm quite sure about it.

Now back to work! Have to work on my essey today, so that I'll get it done in time.

darn

I haven't been on such a happy mood today nor yesterday. Yesterday I had a bit of a figght with this guy, which I'm still a little bit annoyed by. I'm a weird person in that way. I might say that I'll forgive you, but I'm still very angry. I would describe myself as a "cold fighter". I don't show emotion on my face too much, even though I'm boiling inside, but you can tell that I'm angry by the way that I speak. And I don't forget the anger for a long time and it's hard to make me do that.

Anyway, only 4 more days until I'll leave to Helsinki! I can't wait to go there. I'll see my sister and her boyfriend. It's been a loooong time since we last saw eachother and it's been way too long since I last went to Helsinki. I'm sure I'll use up way too much money there, but oh well. This is what I've been saving it for. I'll leave thursday night and come back early on the monday morning. I'm not sure if I'll be posting anything durning the time I'm there, 'cause I don't know if I'll take my parents laptop with me. I hope I'll remember to take it with me, so that I could update this blog and mmaybe even take videos to youtube, to show how the trip went.

Horses?

I was afraid of horses when I was a little girl. But now that I met my friend's horse Fifi, I fell in love with her. She was sooooo nice! She didn't bite, didn't kick, nothing at all. I got to walk and do tricks with her and she wa adorable ♥

Then we went to help you my friend's brother and look after his kids and dog, while he was away. We stayed there for quite a long time, even longer than we were supposed to. We finally got to leave at 02.10 am. We were so tired that I nearly passed out on the way back... As soon as we stepped inside we ran to bed.

but can't write now, going to go watch a movie with my mom. ♥

---

Damn it.

I literally don't want to see someone at all. I was pissed off yesterday because he kept going on and on about some things that didn't make any sence. He also said some things that I wish he wouldn't have. I seriously am considering to telling him just how much I care about his meaningless things, when I'm trying to study. (sounds pretty hars, I know, but if you'd know all the things he goes on about, I'm quite sure anyone would do the same)

Today at school the guy who was here that one time started an argument with me. Now as much as I like to discuss different perspectives with people, I hate it when people say that my opinion is wrong. If it is a matter of opinion, then there is no right and wrong answer. Sure you can think that your opinion is better and correct, but you don't have the right to start telling someone else that they are wrong if they think in a different way. So anyway, he started to agrue with me about homosexual rights. He was against them and I wasn't. He just kept going on and on about how needless gay-paople are and so on. I was furious! There is a limit to everything!! And also a limit to what you can say. Though I'm straught, many of my friends are not. So I was extremely pissed off when he said that they don't need to have any rights.

I was like: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS CONVERSATION OUTSIDE!? I'LL BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!

But luckily I never needed to. He didn't say anything about it anymore after that. Which I'm glad about. Love is love, you can't help it if you happen to be a girl who likes girls! or a boy who likes boys!

hmmmh.

Today I had so much fun with my friend Kata. We laughed so much! She does these amazing expressions! They just are out of this world! XD
Also the day was pretty good, but I do feel quite sick. I think I'll go lay on my bed for a while and take a nap.

Thank god friday is soon!!! I'm gonna go sleep over to my friends place, if I'm feeling okay. That should be so much fun! : 3

Little tired?

I didn't sleep too well last night. Yet again. This time I woke up at 04.32, and like normal, didn't get any sleep after that. I was dead tired the whole day. I usually never fall asleep in the car on the way home from school (takes about 20-30mins to drive) but this time I did.

Even though I was so tired and was half asleep durning all of my classes, I'm happy to notice that I actually understand the things we're discussing on biology classes. I rather find DNA & RNA facinating so to me learning about them is actually fun. Although I nearly slept on the class, I managed to answer some questions, thus getting some point for being active on the class. ^^

All and all they day wasn't as bad as I imaginated it to be, since this is the only day when I go to school at 08.15 get off from school at 16.00. Usually my day ends 14.30 or 12.30. I'm the type of person who would rather go early and leave earlier, than go to school later and stay there longer.

One other nice thing to day was that I have free time from 11.00 to 13.15 on tuesdays. Me and my friend Kata (Katariina) went to get food from Subway and then came back to school to stuff them down with soda and candy.

Probably the only annoying things today were the fact that my headache is as bad as ever and that one guy (who was here last week) was kind of getting on my nerves. He has to start depeting about EVERYTHING and he thinks he's always the one who's right. That starts to annoy me and quite a few people. He himself knows that he is getting on my and other peoples nervers, but he says it's "fun" and that he "doesn't care". I doupt that. I don't know if he understands that bif he keeps on doing what he does, the way he does it, he won't have too many friends left after a while. I sincerely hope he'll stop. Who knows, maybe he'll grow up a little.

Damn.

Well, just like always Mondays aren't really my thing. Thanks to the damage on my nose, my head has been aching the whole day. I took a painkiller, but it just doesn't seems to go away. : < I didn't sleep too met last night either. I woke up many times and Didn't get any sleep after 04.40. I kept rolling around on my bed until six and finally got up.

School wasn't as bad as though it would be, since the morning started so well. I have to start doing my essey for one course soon, but I'm not the least bit inspired. I started feeling a bit sick on the bus when I was coming home.

When I finally came home I was hungry and tired, so I made something to eat quickly and then went to bed. I slept for almost two hours, but I'm still really tired and my head is still aching. I don't know what to do with this pain, but I guess I'll just have to manage. : /

It bothers me just a little bit that I'm already stressing about the test week... : s Luckily I need to endure only two more weeks and then we have a week off from school. That's not the only thing I'm bothered about, though... Now that I'm dating someone, I feel a bit pressured, 'cause I don't normally go out on schooldays, because I'm simply too tired to go, but now he want's to see me and I'm dead tired. Today I absolutely can't have him come over, 'cause I feel too sick. I kinda do feel sorry for him for being crazy about me, 'cause I'm so busy and tired on schooldays, that I don't have time to see him that often. : (

-

I hate how my skin looks with/or without makeup. I've got to start taking care of it more. I want my skin to look okay, even if I'm not wearing any makeup. 'cause I'm really pale from my skin, redness shows really well on my skin and so does everything else. *sigh* I need to do something about this, so in the summer I wouldn't have to waer heavy makeup.

Time to do some extreme changes to the way I treat my skin! \o/ ~

First off, I'm going to need to start drinking water more daily!
I also need to wash my face at least two times a day: in the morning and before I go to bed.
I need to use skincare products.

My goal is to get my skin into a very good condition before summer. And also lose some weight. But I think with a little motivation from my friends will help me achive my goal~. : 3

WISH ME LUCK!!! <3

D:

This fucking this doesn't work!! ;_____;

So I'll just write a short summary:

I broke my nose (don't ask...)
I passed out
I cut my wrist (by an accident!!!!)
My friend came over <3
We played Kingdom Hearts 2 the whole night

Things change

I feel weird. I was single for almost two years.There was one relationship, in real life it was the same as if I would've been single the whole time. But now, today I should change my status for "single" to "in a relationship". Honestly I don't know if I even remember how to be a girlfriend to someone anymore. But I might as well try.

SO LONG FOREVER ALONE -DAYS!

I'm guessing it'll take a while to get used to being around him more than I used to. And it surely will take time for us (or rather me) to be comfortable hugging and kissing and for it not to feel awkward.

This is SO weird!!

And today is also quite a good day for other reasons than just the fact that I'm not single anymore. : 3 The sun is shining brightly and even though it's really cold outside the weather looks great! And I also even had the energy to clean up a little. ; ) Now I think I'll go play Final Fantasys or Kingdom Hearts! : D

Well, fuck you too.

I've noticed that my day can turn from a good day to an extremely bad day really, really fast.

Today my morning started by me waking up about an hour early and I didn't get any sleep after that. I was a little bit annoyed by it, but didn't pay too much attention to it later. I got up, put on my make up, decided which clothes I would ears and started to do my hair. I cleaned up my room, 'cause my 2 friends were supposed to comed over after I had gone to my previous school. Pretty soon after I was done my friend called me to tell em that she couldn't come. (and to be honest I wasn't too happy about being alone with my other friend, 'cause he is a bit different and it's sometimes really hard to come up with something to talk about...)

At my previous school it was funny to notice how well my former teachers still remembered me and it was amusing how the new students were staring at me with their mouths open. I was on a good mood, but there were a couple things that my friend whined about, which made me a bit pissed. (Dude, you don't need to complain about every little thing and always comment to what I say...)

The sun was shining, which was a good thing, but because it's winter here, it was freezing cold. Just the normal -30 celcius... Luckily one of my other friends decided to show up, so I didn't have to be alone with the other guy. (Oh and of course he complained about not understanding what me and Mirva were talking about!)

After both of them had left I tried to take a nap. That didn't go so well; just when I was about to fall asleep my dad called me and I didn't fall asleep after that anymore. When my mother came home I was hungry and tired and fairly annoyed already, but of course she had to make her best effort to make me more annoyed. Surely my mother knows me well enough to make me go from happy, happy to EXTREMELY PISSED OFF. Naturally now I'm just trying not my start shouting like a mad man...

AND I'M STILL HUNGRY! And we don't have anything that I would eat!!!

Yey!

Yey, I don't have any classes tomorrow or the day after, so I don't have to go to school at all!! \o/ I finally relax and have fun with my friends. I'm gonna make brownies today so we can eats them tomorrow with mah pals. XDDD

Gotta go take a shower soon. I need to look good tomorrow ; ) Though I feel the need to look good everyday, even though I never do. : <

I had a great day today. I had fun with my friends and we laughed the whole day to our own stupid jokes. :''DD I don't know but now I just don't feel like writing too much. I'm too busy, or at least I feel like I'm too busy. So I might write something latter, since I don't need to get up early tomorrow!! : 3

Oh shit...

I have successfully forgotten this blog completely. Well at least I remembered it now!! :'DD Not much has been going on lately. I did have a little crush a while back and it didn't go too well ==> ended up heartbroken and pissed off at everything ==> made me quite suicidal... ^^' Had a happy New Year, NOT!

Well now everything is going okay. School is well... school and it's as diffivult as ever, but I've managed somehow. Currently I don't have anyone that I really like, in that way. I've been having so much fun with my friends that I haven't had the time to think about guys. : D Which I'm happy about. There is one guy who seems to like me and also calls me his "darling", but I don't really know if I'm interested. : ss

My hair had a couple changes while I didn't update this blog. I dyed it black, from which it changed to blueishblack with red and blakc dreads, from that to purpleblack and from that to BLUE! ♥ Or actually it's blue from the top and black from the lower parts.

I had a terrible headache today so I stayed home from school. : ( Didn't sleep much and now I'm really tired. I should probably go to bed early today,but we'll see... XD I watched 5 movies and now I dragged my ass to the computer to watch POT (Prince of Tennis). :'D I've wathed this series 5 times already, but I just have to see it again. : DDD

P.S I'll TRY to remember this blog from now on ;___;