Yey!

My mom brought me a present. ♥ I don't know why, but she just did. It made my day. I'm still a bit uneasy with the test coming up, 'cause I just don't want to read to it. : ( Aaaaand I still feel bad about my friend leaving... I have a feeling I should talk to him while he's still on the msn, but I kind off don't want to do that because I already say bye yesterday.. *sigh* So... I'll do my best not to talk to him.

The vacation is over ;---;

The vacation is over. Or it will end today. Makes me feel quite sad. I'm really not too excited about going back to school, mostly because I have a test on Tuesday. Though it's good that I have only 5 courses this period, so it's not too rough.

Oh! If you're wondering what happened yestarday with the apologizing, here's what happened. So, it was quite late when he finally showed up. I was nervous and I had been crying for a long time, just because I was freaking out. So I apologized to him, and he didn't really even understand that what was I apologizing about. I explained that I felt horrible for being rude with him the day before and that I felt really terrible that I was so rude and we wouldn't be seeing each other for a long time, nor would we get to talk. He told me that everything was okay and that I had never made him feel sad, angry or anything like that at all. I felt a lot better after that, A LOT better. I told him that I would really miss him, 'cause he's one of my best friends. I was so tired from all the crying and stressing that I had to go to bed and saying "goodbye and have a safe trip" was so painful. I just really had to hold back my tears!

So I went to bed after that. I tried to think about everything else, but the though of having to say bye bye to a dear friend just made me feel so sad. I couldn't hold back tears for long and had to cry it out (Oh man I sound like a wuss!). I'm not a crybaby, but I'm quite sensitive... I have a huge heart (or at least I'm told that I have a huge heart), so saying bye to someone really pains me. Of course I know that if something ever happens I can still contact him, and I will see him and hopefully I'll at least see him before x-mas. Actually I'm quite sure of it.

Anywayz, I went to bed and cried a little. (sorry for jumping like from one thing to another) And then finally I fell asleep. I had nightmares yet again. I've been having them the whole week. This time they were all about my dear friends, him included. It was terrible. It all started out as a nice dream, with my and my pals shopping at a mall, bying some coo, clothes and stuff, but then it just all changed. People just started to disappear and everything just went wrong. My friends just died one by one until it was just me and him. Then he said something to me (can't remembr what it was) and he just hugged me, smiled and backed away. I was gonna run back to him, but then he just fell... IT was such a horrible dream!!! And I can't get it out of my head! *sob sob* I feel terrible...

P.S I've lost weight!!!!! ♥ Just had to tell you guys, 'cause I'm so happy for it. X'D

I'm just so sorry!

Didn't make a vid... Nor took any pictures... ^^'' uuuuuuuups.. We were too tired X'D Stayed up too late. I fell asleep at 3am. And the night wasn't too great for me. I kept having these nightmares and I constantly woke up. First of all it was too hot in the room, but removing the blanked made me feel somewhat uncertain. And I also accidentaly might have made someone angry yesterday. I felt so bad for it. I left a couple messages, but got no answer. So I sent another message in the morning asking for a chance to talk ('cause we won't be seeing each other for a while and I don't want this on my shoulders for a long period of time). Got a positive answer, so we're going to talk in the evening. And I'm nervous. I just want to say that I'm sorry, but still I feel like I'm being too presistant and annoying and also feel like I'm being hated. I can tell you that it isn't the best feeling in the world. I'm trying to figure out the way that I'm going to talk to him. That's what kept me up most of the night.

"Hey.. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry...--"

"I'm sorry.--"

"Hey.. How's it going? ..about what I said in the morning about wanting to talk to you. I wanted to say that I'm really sorry.--"

Having a little trouble here. I can't make up what to say. Sounds really stupid, but I can't help the tears coming to my eyes. I mean, I know I didn't really say anything that bad, nor that he was that angry but it just bugs me so bad! God I wish there was a way for me to tell him just how sorry I really am, but it's kinda hard to do with just messages. Damn it! Gotta pull myself together! I'm scared... I don't want to fight any more. I'm just sick of it. And I have this terrible feeling on the back of my mind that something I'll say today will just make things worse. What on earth am I supposed to do? I hope that saying that I'm sorry is enough... I just don't know what else to say. The problem comes when I'm asked that what am I sorry for. *sigh* too many things to be sorry about. I'm stupid aren't I? ^^ oh god I hope things will work out. I don't want to be hated. ;;-----;;

This is one of those "fuck my life" moments for me. The part that feels the worst right now is the waiting. I wish I'd get to say that I'm sorry already and just clear things up. IT'S SO HARD TO WAIT!!! I'm trying to resist the urge of sending another message saying what I have to say in that, 'cause I know the person who I want to apologize to is busy at the moment. And I don't want to spoil his whole day with this. .....shit I am so nervous and scared!!!!!

Halloween 2010

Okay so halloween 2010.... it was okay. : 3 Or rather it is okay. So me and my friends are still going to play games and watch horror movies. Luckily we have a friend who's not good with horror stuff, so we'll have a lot of fun scaring her. X''DDD Or at least we'll jhave great time trying. WE have already scared her once pretty well. ; ) And it was fun to do. So anywayz! About the costumes, I, myself dressed as a nurse. (yeah... sounds weird) and my other friend has a kigurumi on, which I made, and the other friend is wearing my lolita dress. : 33 WE look cute X'D Can't really make a blog taht long now, 'cause my friends are waiting, but hope you won't mind. I'll write a proper blog tomorrow. And I'll also try to get some pictures of us and maybe even a video to Youtube. : ) So look forward to that. ^^

What's going on?

What is going on inside of a man's brain. That's something I'd like to know. Maybe not everything that's in there, but somethings. Like what do they think of a woman. Do they know women are sensitive? And don't really like being used or just toyed with?Let's say that thy do know that, but then why don't they stop acting like that? I can tell you from experience that even though I know I'm stupid to trust a certain poerson, I do and I'm very well aware of the fact that I don't mean much to him, but still I always support him. I'm very blond in that way. I just refuse to hate him. Someone might call it love, but I disagree. It's kind off hard to understand my way of thinking I can admit that, but still. Shouldn't there still be some kind of awareness to how I feel?

Anywayz. (Enough with the angst) Tommorow I'm having kind of like a halloween party, even though we here in Finland don't really have halloween. Not going to happen much though. We're just going to dress up a little and what horror movies and stuff. Should be fun. : 3 I still don't have any idea that what I'm going to wear! Should start looking for some cool clothes. And now I think I'll watcha horro movie just for fun. ^^

P.S Oh god my legs and my back are IN SERIOUS PAIN!!!!!

Hmmm...

Paranormal activity 2... Not that great as I though it would be. Sure it had a couple good scares, but the ending... SUCKED. It made no sence that the woman from the first movie just came there and killed the parents and then just took the infant with her. First off all, what the hell happened to the baby and I'd like to know what happened to the girl after it. I mean she must have suffered great trauma from it. What happened to them after it? It's bugging me that I don't know. I guess they'll make a third movie. Hopefully that one doesn't suck like these first two did. (By the way I'm a horror freak, I usually just watch horror movies, write horror stories, draw horror stuff, etc... ^^'') Well, I have to stop writing/updating the blog now, because me and my friend are going to watch more scary stuff and urban legends from the internet X'D

YEY!

Getting ready to go the movies. Me and my friend are gonna go watch Paranormal Activity 2. --->

Not my day!

This day was terrible! Everything just went wrong today...

At first I had planned to sleep 'till 10am, but my parents woke me up at 7 am. I had gone to bed at 2am (was feeling sick from yesterday's little message), so I was fairly tired in the morning and very grumpy. I thought I would have plenty time to get dressed, put on my makeup and sit on the computer before I had to catch the bus. things didn't go quite the way I had planned... I had to run to the bus stop (thank god I made it in time). Then I had forgotten to check the temperature outside before I left, so I was freezing pretty soon after I went outside. Turned out I was way too early and I had to wait for my friends for 40 minutes. Then I dropped my phone to the bus on the way back. (luckily I got it back!) Then I noticed that I had left my keys inside and the door was locked... Then just now I suddenly started to feel sick and I threw up like 10 times... This was not my day.

OH AND I COLORED MY HAIR BACK TO RED X'''DDD Though the red color that I have know is extremely bright and very vibrant. I love it! I think I've never had this funky and cool color in my hair. : 33

Stupid or stupid?

So... My day has been ruined my a single sentence. Not just ruined, but infact it made me so pissed off that I feel sick. Why am I so blind? I sent 40€ to a guy so that he could come see me. First I hear that he didn't actually need the money because he got a lift from his mom. And now his girlfriend is there with him? Are you kidding me? Okay... I knew that I shouldn't trust the guy to understand that he's making me go through hell here, BUT ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? The worst part is that, sence I do care about the guy (though not really in THAT way) I can't tell that I am quite pissed off. I'm trying to be kind and this is what I get?

FUCK MY LIFE.

Oh my god....

Damn! Mysteerisesti unohdin koko blogin olemassa olon.... *innocent laugh* Kappas kummaa.... No jos nyt alkaisi jälleen pitää blogia yllä. : 3 Voisi harkita melkeinpä englanniksi kirjoittamista, koska en tiiä... Se tuntuu.... Luonnollisemmalta. : DD

ANYHOW ( change to English starts now ----> (might find random Finnish words)

I've been updating my YouTube channel lately. (It was "dead" for quite awhile...) And now it's back to life. (So is my DeviantART channel, by the way ; 3) And yes this was important for you to know! Want to see me on video? Go to my YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/Riituuu Nevermind the old username... I have no memory of where the hell did it come from... ^^'' Just one of the millions nicknames that I have. : /

What new is going on with myself? NOTHING. There's nothing new and exciting going on with me. Though my hair has yet again changed (from bright red to white). And I've also added some dreads to my hair. : 33 Mind you though, they are a total pain... No new guys, just a couple of new friends, no great events (at least yet), nothing at all.
Well I am in upper secondary school now, though. But that's not such a great thing... ^^'' School is nearly always a pain in the ass. Atleast for me. I get stressed over it way too easily... And having 6 tests per week (5 times a year), is NOT easy for me. I made it through the first period okay, but I have a feeling this time it won't be so easy. : ( But I don't need to panic about it right now though. Why? Because of the HOLIDAYS! ♥ No school for another 6 days. *partytime*
The holidays are the best part of the year. Gadly each period has their own vacation; the first was right after summer vacation, second has the autumm vacation, the thrid has the x-mas, and so on. So the school is extremely rough, but at least we get to rest quite often. : 33

But yeah, gotta go make some tea! --->