I'm pissed off at _everything_ today. I totally screwed my math exam, I'm not going to pass, I noticed that I don't have almost any money at all, I'm fat and a million other things.
Let's start with the exam, shall we? I got the test paper in my hands, I read out the questions and I didn't understand any of them, Not even the so called "easy" ones. I was nearly crying when I just gave up after staring at the paper for and hour and a half. I tried to do something to the ones that seemed to be the easiest, but none of them are calculated correctly nor finished. So yey! Not going to paas that exam! ^^ F**king great. A real good start for the whole exam week! o/
My money problem: I haven't been checking my account for a while and today I needed cash, so I went to get some and noticed just how much money I have. What really fucks is that I'm a control freak, so for me if I don't have more than 100€ in my account it actually starts to bother me really bad. So now I have to save money like hell, which I'm guessing isn't going to be too much fun.
I'm _FAT_. I really, really am. I'm happy about weight when it's closer to 50kg and now... I'm WAY, WAY too far from that goal. So I don't know what the hell am I supposed to do. Okay so I walk 3-5 km everyday and I've started avoiding candies and such. I should probably do some situps and eat less. *sigh* It's a bit hard to eat in a more healthy manner when my parents make dinner and I'm not allowed to complain about it or make myself somethig else. I admit that it would be a complete waste for me to do myself something else, when they make enough food for me. As much as I'd like to have a hobby which would help me maintain my weight it's impossible here where I live. We don't have any activities here that intrest me at all. I like dancing but for that I'd need to go to Oulu. And really after using about 9-11 hours of my day to school I don't feel like going there. So what to do? I'll stop eating? I could do that, but the problem is that I've had an eatingdisorder in the past, so it might resurface, WHICH I don't need in my life right now...
So yeah.... I'm angry all day long. The part that sucks the most is that when my friends or friend tries to tell me what to do and if it's something that I'm already aware of, I get extremely annoyed. I'm not stupid and I know what you're supposed to do, but the problem is that I'm already doing it so it isn't of any use to tell me what to do. I feel like a moster for getting pissed off at my friend for trying to help me. I feel like my friend has change, but I don't want to really think about it in that way. I want to think that it's only because of my stress that she seems to have changed. I believe that it's only because of that and the fact that I haven't seen her in a while.
(wow this was a long/angry blog...)
I should go and read for my tomorrows test and go and lose weight!!!
FUCK MY LIFE!!!!
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